Friday, 14 August 2009

Things I learnt from 'G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra'

1. Nanobots are green.
2. In the army, babysitting your girlfriend's brother becomes top priority. Everything else is secondary.
3. Computer graphics can never compensate for bad acting. No matter how badly you wish it were so.
4. To weaponize nanobots you need a particle accelerator.
5. Destroying European cities are cool. (Culture? Who needs that?)
6. Army people have large motorcycles.
7. Nanobots heal snake bites. They force the venom out of the puncture wounds. Really.
8. Even though evil henchmen are devoid of all fear and pain, they can still scream in anticipation of the killing blow.
9. If you really, really want a girl to like you all you have to do is program nanobots, inject them into her and watch as the dear little things control her emotions.
10. "The mission is a go. I repeat, the mission is a go" is still a very, very cool thing to say.
11. An underwater base beneath the polar ice caps is easy to build without anyone noticing. Ditto for an underground base in the desert.
12. If your face burns away, you can use nanobots to reconstruct it. Also,after facial reconstruction your skin shines radiantly.
13. If you don't have any flying experience, its ok, because most modern aircraft are voice operated. Just make sure you take those language courses they offer in flying school.
14. If you manage to kill the president and three of his bodyguards in an underground vault with only one entrance/exit, disposing of the evidence is vital. I think flesh-eating (what else?) nanobots are the only answer.
15. Having sculpted muscles is more important that good dialogue.
16. Nanobots can do anything except, of course, survive in the upper atmosphere. (And, oh yeah, true love. True love can triumph over nanobots. Big-time.)

Use this information well.
Now, my stock portfolio consists mostly of shares of companies that manufacture nanobots.


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