The tragic case of the delayed visa.

June 30th. That was the date on which I presented myself to the British Consulate in Amsterdam as part of the process to obtain a visa to enter the United Kingdom. August 11th. Today. The date my passport finally reached me. Forty two days of nail-biting, hair-pulling, sitting-on-the-edge-of-my-seat stuff. Most harrowing, I tell you. An experience I won't be repeating. Not voluntarily, anyway. June 30th was a nice day. One of those sunny ones with no ominous winds blowing. The walk to the Consulate was uneventful. I arrived fifteen minutes early as consulate chaps advised on the website. I was herded inside with some other Asian , African and South American looking folk with a token that indicated my priority in the waiting room.
Two hours later, I was still sitting, clutching my token. The consulate louses were taking their own sweet time with no concern for anyone/anything. That should have been my first portent. I should have picked up my stuff and scooted. Unfortunately, I'm only good at second-guessing these things after the momentous event has already occurred. Ah well....The story of my entire life.
Anyway, after the interview with an Eric Clapton wannabe (you know the type, a chap with shoulder length hair and fuzzy beard, complete with the rolled up shirt sleeves) I was done. A full three hours after I had arrived. Two weeks tops, the Eric Clapton chap assured me, when I asked him when I would get the visa. In the three hours I spent in the consulate, I had finished studying the floor, the ceiling and various other architectural features of the waiting room. Sickening.
A Nigerian friend had also applied for his visa at around the same time. He was a seasoned veteran of the whole process, having been to London on previous occasions. So, he would get his visa first and then a week later I would get mine,or so I figured. Oh, by the way, the reason the Brits take so long to process the visa is because they send it over to Dusseldorf, in neighboring Germany, to get the lousy visa stamp. Why? I have no clue. Apparently, the Brits measure efficiency in mysterious ways.
The second portent: My Nigerian friend didn't get his visa in the time promised to him. Understandably, he was hoping mad. What would happen to me?, I wondered at that time. My tickets to London were already booked for the sixth of August. I got them at a neat price. Twenty Euro's. Good ol' Ryan Air. I was smirking confidently at the time I closed that deal. Or rather when my friend ,with whom I was supposed to stay with, closed the deal. I'm pretty sure he was smirking as well. Now, I wasn't so confident. In fact, I wasn't smirking at all.
Time went by. The nail-biting began. My Nigerian friend got his visa and he was off like a shot, like a bullet from a gun. Ok, I reasoned, soon my visa will be here. More time went by. The hair-pulling started. I locked myself in my box and didn't step out, because I feared I would miss the postman's knock. The silence was eerie. This was how people went crazy, I realized. Soon, I would hear voices in my head, coaxing me into performing violent, despicable acts. And I did hear voices..... But they were all in Chinese. So I didn't understand them anyway. Spacebox acoustics are not exactly amazing. (For the uninformed, Spacebox=overpriced box in which university students live. I think, its one of those attempts at Dutch humour, but I don't believe I'll figure it out completely).
At around this time, I began writing to the chaps at the Consulate. Numerous times. At first I was polite, but soon I realized that being mildly sarcastic got me faster responses. Attached below are some of those responses.
Response 1

Dear Applicant,

Thank you for contacting WorldBridge Service, The UK Border Agency's Commercial Partner. We appreciate your patience regarding the response to your enquiry, as WorldBridge strives to provide the most accurate responses to all enquiries. Below you will find the response to that enquiry.

Please note that it is not possible to obtain an entry clearance on the same day. In many cases the straight forward, non-settlement visa process not requiring an interview takes 5-15 working days. However, the consideration of the application is entirely up to the UK embassy, and the processing times can vary based on the difficulty of the case and other factors. The processing times are measured from the appointment date.

90% of non-settlement applications requiring interview or further enquiries are decided within 15 working days.

90% of settlement visas are interviewed or decided within 12 weeks.

Worldbridge centers have absolutely no input or participation in the consideration process, so we cannot guarantee consideration times.

Please note that you will not be able to respond to this email. If you have additional questions submit your enquiry via email free of charge by visiting the WorldBridge website

When submitting a new enquiry, please reference the case number from this particular email to ensure thorough processing. Note the case number can be found in the subject line of this email, EX: Reply from WorldBridge Services for CaseNumber :00000123.

Thank you again for contacting WorldBridge.

Very sincerely yours,

WorldBridge Service

Response 2
Dear Applicant,
Blah Blah Blah.....

Please be informed that due to the nature of your issue your information is being forwarded to the British Mission and you will be contacted as soon as possible.
Blah Blah Blah.....

Very sincerely yours,

Blah Blah

Response 3
Dear Applicant,
Blah Blah Blah.....

WorldBridge Service has contacted UK Border Agency visa application centre on your behalf and received the following response that your passport was returned to Amsterdam on 21/07/2009.
Blah Blah Blah.....

Very sincerely yours,

Blah Blah

Response 4
Dear Applicant,
Blah Blah Blah.....

In regards to your question, we would like to let you know that due to the nature of your request it is being escalated for detailed research. Please be informed that we understand the importance of your issue, and we strive to respond as quickly and thoroughly as possible.

Blah Blah Blah.....

Very sincerely yours,

Blah Blah

Response 5
Dear Applicant,
Blah Blah Blah.....

WorldBridge Service has contacted UK Border Agency visa application centre on your behalf and received the following response that if the postage fee was paid then the passport would have been sent to you, if you were not at home then the passport will still be either at the post office waiting for collection, if not collected after a certain amount of days then returned the to Amsterdam Consulate General.
Blah Blah Blah.....

Very sincerely yours,

Blah Blah

Response 6
Dear Applicant,
Blah Blah Blah.....

In regards to your question, we would like to let you know that due to the nature of your request it is being escalated for detailed research. Please be informed that we understand the importance of your issue, and we strive to respond as quickly and thoroughly as possible.
Blah Blah Blah.....

Very sincerely yours,

Blah Blah

Anyway, the sixth of August sailed by and I was still in Delft. A suitable message on facebook informed my concerened friends that the London trip wasn't happening after all. I had resigned myself to this after July came to an end. These things happen, I calmly philosophised outwardly, while seething inside.
But it was the fifth response that sent me to the post office. Perhaps my passport was lying there after all. I made my way to the counter and explained the situation to the lady. "Ah" said she, "But then there should have been an acknowledgement slip in your mail box, telling you to come pick it up at the post office". "But, the people who sent it are sure its at the post office", I spluttered. "They're British", I added helpfully, hoping that, that would be self-explanatory. She looked at me strangely. I guess, she hadn't dealt with the British before. Lucky woman.
"Lets have a look then, shall we?" she said, after obtaining my house number. She then went through some envelopes in a box, picked up one and asked "Is this it?". Shooting stars burst forth from my peripheral vision and my knees grew weak as I recognized my name on the envelope. "Yes", I managed. "Its been here for a long time" she said, pointing to the date at the corner. 23-July-2009. All the aforementioned shooting stars changed course and slammed into my forehead. One by one. There were seventeen in all, I think. "There, there" she said in a matronly way, noticing my dazed expression. "These things happen." Yeah, I thought, only to me. But my heart warmed to her. A kindly spirit, this one.
"I'll need to see some identification", she said. "And not your student ID". My heart sank drearily, for it was all I had. "Well", I said (and I think I might have sighed) "If you open the package, you'll see my passport". I wasn't hoping for much at this point. Life was swinging away with those haymakers and good ol' Anish was pretty much through. "Well" she hesitated, "Ok, but only because this is a special case". I could have reached out and kissed her. On both cheeks. Such was my emotion. My admiration for Dutch practicality soared to new heights. I could picture a similar scenario in India. A pot-bellied troll behind the counter asking for my ID.
Me:Look, just open the envelope.
Troll: No saar, show me passport. I'll give envelope.
Me: No, no..really, just open th...
Troll: No saar. Sorry saar. Bring passport.
Me: But..
Troll: Aye, Hogelaai.
Me: .......
Anyway, the kind lady checked out the passport, saw that everything was in order. I signed for it and she handed it over. She sympathized some more and I gratefully exited the post office. And that was that. Now to tell the Consulate chaps about this. Not that they'll rejoice with me or anything. But still......
The aftermath? Well...I'm still in Delft. A nice vacation completely ruined. I guess I'll do the only thing that cheers me up on these occasions. Shopping. For crossbows.